Make sure you’re not making your family feel this way

It’s a cold, make that very cold few days here in Minnesota, because of that the kids are off school today and Bruce’s shop closed for the day so we are all cozied inside playing games and watching movies. 

I wanted to take a few minutes to connect with you and share a few very personal lessons I’ve learned.

 

Some of you may not know why I feel so passionate about helping women re-find themselves and their place in this world.  It’s a very raw story and I share it with you with the intent of using the lessons learned from it to help other families never go through what mine did.  My new e-course starts in a couple weeks and it’s not just a class to me, it’s about women coming together and helping each other through the life’s variety of paths and making space for our lights to shine.

 

I think back to 2008 feeling so helpless, shedding tears yet again, trying to figure out what I could do or say to help my dear, sweet mother.  I was watching the woman I looked up to my whole life not see her value in the world.  It broke my heart.

 

I don’t want ANYONE to feel what I felt then.  Sadly I’m learning it’s a silent epidemic that people everywhere are going through, thinking they are alone.  YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

 

While my mother was an expert at creating the best family get togethers, giving the perfect gift or even cutting our hair when we were young, later on she didn’t take enough time in her life to stop and invest in her own well being.  Her joys, her passions, her friends, the way she could connect with the world and what she had to offer it all took a back seat to making sure everyone else around her had what they needed. Those last 20 years it was all about her family.  

On one hand, as a member of her family this was an amazing gift she gave us. We all had a best friend on standby ready to help us, hear about what we needed to say and help us figure out lifes messes.  On the other hand had she taken time for her self, learned to say no more often and had better boundaries I believe she would still be here today. Regardless of whether that last part is true, undoubtedly she would have had a much more joyous last few years here on earth.  

She passed away unexpectedly from pancreatitis in January of 2009.  

I can’t speak for the other people in her life but I can share the lessons I learned from those days, her death and the years following.

 

I made a vow to myself that I would help women just like my mom; Beautiful, loving, wise, strong women.  This was a woman who raised 5 kids and had more love for people than I’ve ever seen.  The thing is her feeling bad didn’t happen over night.  It came after years of her taking on more than she needed, thinking things would get better on their own. Choosing to think that there was something wrong with her instead of realizing her emotions were very normal for someone going through what she was. Also, feeling shame that she couldn’t fix everything she felt and that was happening around her. 

 

 

I learned a few very important things in the following months.

 

1) Taking on everyone else’s problems and not having healthy boundaries can actually, really kill you.

 

2) We all think we have forever.  We don’t. It’s so important we spend our lives doing things that matter, that make a difference and then are in alignment with our truest selves.  

 

3) You can’t take the stuff with you. Don’t spend your life focused on things. It’s the love, memories and wisdom you shared during your life that matters after you’re gone.

 

4) Shame is deadly.  Don’t let yourself live in shame. Get help if you need it, pray, ask for forgiveness, talk to those who care about you. Often the power those things we are so scared of others knowing have over us are diminished once we talk about them.

 

5) No matter how much you want to fix the problems of someone around you, they have to be willing to do the work and WANT TO CHANGE.  You CAN’T do it for them. 

 

6) If you are noticing that you are feeling sad, out of sorts or you’ve lost your confidence and aren’t sure what your life is about as you enter a new chapter then please know that there are resources out there for you and YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

 

 

Even if you don’t take my e-course or resonate with the other things I’m saying please listen to this one thing:  If you aren’t feeling well, or your intuition tells you something isn’t right, please get help, get checked out.  My mom passed away of pancreatitis.  A very curable condition if caught in time. Be proactiv with your health.  That includes your mental health. Talk to someone, journal, find an online group that fits what you’re needing.  If you have a family member going through this, I understand how awkward it can be to have these tough conversations but try to have them, lovingly. If you can’t say it, try to write a heartfelt letter or have a qualified 3rd party help in communicating the message and hope of getting through it.

 

The thing is, I hope to reach women much earlier than those darkest days, so none of us will never have to feel that despair.  Even if you don’t know what it is that you should be focusing on, we’ll be laying out a variety of topics to help get you started in the right direction. Equally important to the information is the community this e-course will bring. Loving, wise, compassionate women, each with their own gifts.

 


 

If you are interested in really honest, open coversations about the subjects above and more, please join me for the Finding Myself in the Moonlight e-course!

You can learn more information and watch videos about the course here.

 

I  have a great new payment option also if you would like to break up the enrollment into 2 payments.

 

The online journey starts in a couple weeks on January 19th!!  Click the links or the photo

 

The dirty little secret of some of us mommas and wives

 

Let’s get really real for a moment here.

I can remember back, I was living in Texas raising a beautiful 2 year old little girl. I glowed even thinking of her, she was a gift and I loved everything about being a mom.  I really wanted to be a mom that stayed at home and raised her. I had it all figured out, the more I was with her the more I could fill her so full of love, healthy food, and wisdom.  My mom had raised 5 of us, seriously how hard could it be raising 1.  Most of the time it was amazing, fulfilled pieces of me that I didn’t even know were there and I didn’t think life could be better.  Looking back, my marriage was pretty much done. I just didn’t see it.  I really just figured there would be good years and bad years. And the 3 year bad cycle we were in would be followed by a lifelong good cycle… hmmm.  We really never fought so I figured it was fine and I shelved my feelings about it.

But under that, this part of myself that I didn’t want to even see, hear or acknowlede was growing louder.  I started to notice it in pictures, a subtle sparkle that was missing.  What was I doing wrong? I really did love getting to be a stay at home mom and wife.  I was 25 and I just kept plugging.  With my  head high.

When money was starting to get tight I noticed there was something different about the way I handled it. Me, the one who worked 3 jobs while in college suddenly was terrified of getting a job.  How could I even think of putting my little angel into the care of someone else.  And I can’t say I was wrong for having those fears, maybe it was brilliance masked in fear. Realistically, its possible the part time work I may have done at that time very well could have not even paid for the babysitter while I worked, who knows.  The growing issue was something deeper.

I was starting to lose my mojo. My confidence. My certainty of my place in the world.  In theory I knew I had lots to offer but I felt bad and sad about myself.  I was missing my connection to the outside world.  My connection to women that understood me, that wouldn’t judge me or think I’m a bad mom or wife because there was some tough days.

In the years since I have gotten to do it again. Both a new marriage and a new child.  6 years ago I met my soulmate husband.  Then almost 10 years after my daughter was born I got to be a work from home mom with my son.  Things were so beautifully different this time. I made sure to find connection, I continued to work even if only a few hours a week to keep my toe in the water. But most importantly I continued to nurture my own self and honor my place in my family.  I set better boundaries with people and I reached out for wisdom from nurturing and wise women around me.  It isn’t always rosy every second, I’ve felt judged by others outside my family for my choices, there are times I wished I made more money, times I wished I just had a normal job that I could come home from, times I have felt paralyzing fear because I’m pursuing my dream and I want it SO bad. The time I called my sister having a breakdown because I felt like all I was doing was feeding my 4 month old son ALL THE TIME. I wanted my boobs back.  But each of those stressful times passed and have fallen into their proper place with time and perspective.

I think it all comes down to this. We can be really good moms, really loving and doting wives but if we don’t honor our well being as women then we will crack.  I’ve realized how fragile people are. The ones who are having a momentary emotional breakdown are often not the weak ones. They are often the ones who carry more than those around them.  When we aren’t living in tune with our authentic, soulful mission we feel that disconnect.   We need to just quiet down sometimes and listen to what our inner self, God, intuition is showing us is right for us.

I really dream of an online place for us as soulful women to gather, share and support one another. A place without judgement or competition. A place without bragging over our kids test scores or size. A place where we can be strong, wise and nurturing while simultaneously being soft, vulnerable and supportive.  I have visions of having an online community, a series of video interviews with women around the country and the globe who are making things happen and thriving through all walks of life.   My first step in  making these things a reality is an online journey I have created called, “Finding myself in the moonlight”.  This is going to be a 6 week online course where I will facilitate presenting various topics up for discussion, throw out what people have found has worked for them and we will use those things, my own artistic, inspirational touch and the wisdom of everyone in the group to each help ourselves define what works for us. We will work through areas such as boundaries, guilt, self care and more.

You can find out more about this course and watch the videos for it here: http://noellerollinsart.com/finding-myself-in-the-moonlight-2/

 

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I’ve created a few different videos about the course. I wanted to make sure to speak to different groups specifically.  (Just make sure to hit play quickly because it’s horrible to have to see the video frames that youtube has chosen to freeze as the start. ha. )

If you are a stay at home mom this video is for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hgk9vLJ_BNY

If you are finding yourself outgrowing some of the people in your life and you are looking for people that “get” you now and the spiritual, soulful part of you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9XrEgeCZnk

One of my greatest teachers has been my mother.  I’ve shared a very vulnerable lesson I’ve learned through watching her and the heartbreaking frustration of her death. This is for you women that have raised your kids and are now finding your place in the world: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gzy1Vfb8qfs

In October I have AMAZINGLY low early bird registration prices going on. Seriously under $5/week!

If you’re ready to connect with other amazing women of all ages register now.

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