It’s late, everyone in the house has been asleep for hours. I just finished up a painted and I feel this strong nudging that tonight is the night that I need to start this blog. I’ve been feeling for awhile now that I need to make some changes in my life and my hope is that others may identify with my journey. Plus maybe you can help hold me accountable when times get tough in the future.
Let me back up and say that I feel so blessed in my life. I should have nothing to complain about. I am married to my soul mate and literally wake up each day so grateful to have found my husband. I have an 11 year old daughter and an 18 month old son. They are the light of my life. I have a love for painting, art and business. Lately though I’ve been feeling such an overwhelming mixture of emotions. I have my youngest home with me everyday. I do my best to paint, fill orders, keep my websites updated with him here. Surely I can’t be the only one though that struggles with finding the balance between working from home, being a mom and trying to keep a nice home. Somehow while juggling all of them I end the day feeling like I just broke even, the house is tolerably clean, my baby is very loved, well fed and happy, my business… not so much. I want it all: success, the perfect family, a perfectly decorated home, clean, and I want to have time to workout, have cute hair and wear more than yoga pants and black t’s. For the last few years I’ve painted pieces inspired by yoga, the deeper meaning of life and soulful living. I live my life full of love, passion and care however I’m lacking in self care, quiet contemplation and any sort of physical activity. (Except the squats I do over my chair while my computer is thinking or the occasional series of reps I do w/ the arm weights I have sitting by my computer)… I really need to get my act together. Tonight after hours of talking it out to my very patient hubby I think I talked myself through some decisions I’m making. I’m giving myself permission to take the next few months off from updating my website, coming up w/ new glassware designs, prints, etc and will limit my artwork to filling orders and completing homework for the amazingly awesome business course I’m taking (more on that in another post). I am going to give myself the blissful permission of a timeout from “real life”. I’m going try to paint almost everyday (and for the first time in years… without the intent to sell them.). I’m going to get my house organized from top to bottom and get some long needed family plans in place. I don’t know if it’s the artist in me but I tend to love the idea of structure, plans, etc but have a hard time implementing them. I am however an obsessive list maker, so we’ll see how that helps me over the next few months. I’m also going to consciously do some soul searching, learn yoga and start meditating. I’ve been a vegetarian for almost 7 years and the last 4 months I’ve been eating about 95% vegan. I am finding so much joy in making healthy recipes, measuring out the spices and feeding my family such healthy food. The few weeks though I gave in and have bought some technically vegan food that is really not healthy. Mountain Dew, crescents, and chips. I don’t want to be a junk food vegetarian so I’m actively putting the intention out there into the universe that I plan on getting healthier, losing the weight I gained after my mom passed away and working towards 100% vegan. I’d love to take you along on this journey, and share things, tips, techniques and hopefully breakthroughs over the next few months. I have so many big plans for my artwork and I hope by taking time away and re-finding my passion for painting that it will help me clear the clutter in my mind and let me zen out a bit.